Last week may well have been one of the most incredible
weeks of my life. Not least because of
the serendipity of each event that took place and the way that it has
contributed to a complete sense of congruence associated with the changes I am
making in my life.
Monday
Today I taught my last psychology lessons. I was touched by some of the ways in which my
students said their goodbyes. One of
them gave me this which she had drawn herself (admittedly in lieu of catch up
work that I had given her after she missed one of my lessons)
With the backdrop of Kate Middleton’s seemingly
straightforward and natural birth to the prince George today my move seems
to have happened at just the right time – hypnobirthing seems to be coming more
and more into the public consciousness and Kate’s birth stands testament to the
fact that even under the most medical of conditions (she had two gynaecologists
attending her birth and no midwife) a straightforward, relaxed and natural
birth is always possible.
Tuesday
Today was the last day of college and I took the opportunity
to say goodbye to my colleagues and friends of the last 11 years. As is the custom in state schools in the UK,
the afternoon of the last day of the summer term was devoted to at least 2
hours of speeches for and from those who were leaving for retirement or for new
adventures. Incredibly there were more
than 15 members of staff leaving, moving jobs or going on sabbatical. Everyone managed to keep their speeches short
and by 3pm I was able to go and finish packing up all my boxes and moving out
of my classroom and office space. Things
started to look very real at this point – and a little scary.
However, on my arrival home I found on the doorstep the
first (I hope of many) deposit and booking form for my new brand of
hypnobirthing classes. With my leaving
cards read and flowers put in vases I quietly began a new chapter of my life…with
a very broad smile on my face.
Wednesday
With the boys dropped off for their last day of school and
nursery before the summer holidays Darren and I were left with ‘nothing’ to do
today. I don’t think we have had one day
like this in the last 5 years, where we have had the opportunity to decide what
we wanted to do together, just the two of us, so we decided to make the most of
it. We went to the spa, ahhhh. Looking back this was the best possible thing
we could have done. Had I known what the
next few days would hold I would not have changed a thing. Those hours of complete relaxation were the
perfect preparation for what came next.
That night I got the call that I had been anticipating for
weeks. Some months ago my best friend,
Cathy, had asked me to be her birthing partner (along with her husband Rik) for
the birth of her second baby. Now she
was telling me she had gone into labour and to expect a call in the next few
hours asking me to come round.
Just an hour or so later Rik called to ask me to come
over. My heart was in my mouth as I
drove the 10 minutes to Cathy’s house but when I arrived Cathy was calm,
prepared and very excited about meeting her baby. She was managing her surges well and seemed
very relaxed. Just as she had learned in
her hypnobirthing refresher – she started trying different techniques to manage
her surges, breathing through them, moving and walking them through and trying
out different forms of massage and pressure points. We enjoyed some fun moments together laughing
about how we would bring this baby into the world.
Thursday
As the night wore on Cathy got increasingly more tired and
was reluctant to lie down as the surges were more painful that way. Rik and I took it in turns to go for a rest
and Cathy continued to try and bring the labour on. Eventually though she was too tired to stay
up any longer and went to bed to try and rest and get her energy back. Just half an hour later she woke up feeling
like she must have done something wrong.
She hadn’t felt any surges in the time she’d been sleeping and the baby
had stopped moving. Baby was having a
rest we tried to tell her but it took a call to the midwife to reassure
her. Although initially panic stricken
she began to realise that this was normal for a first labour (she had had an
elective c-section with Hugo, her first baby, as he was breech) and quickly regained
her calm composure. She had a short
sleep as I did a fear release hypnosis with her and went on to prepare herself
for a day of rest and natural labour induction.
I went home before Hugo woke up so that I could get some
sleep and prepare myself for the night ahead.
Cathy and Rik packed Hugo off to Granny’s so that they could get some
rest and get the labour going. They got
the baby checked out at Frome birthing centre, relaxed, watched a movie,
drifted in and out of sleep, and went to the shops for the chocolate digestives
that Cathy had been craving all through the previous night.
Friday into Saturday morning
At 1.30am I got another phone call – Cathy was getting
surges every five minutes and was ready to go to the hospital. I was on my way in five minutes flat,
nervously anticipating the hours to come but when I got there Cathy was totally
in the zone. I met Rik at the door - he
was getting himself busy packing up the car and Cathy was upstairs, sitting on
the bed, completely relaxed. I whispered
to her that I was there but I knew that she didn’t need me with her. ‘This is it’ I thought ‘she’s really
ready’.
The car journey was not particularly comfortable for Cathy
but I sat in the back with her and, as per instructions, used the hypnobirthing
techniques we’d discussed to help her relax and keep the surges
manageable. We couldn’t believe the road
to the hospital was closed off due to roadworks. Fortunately the very kind workmen realised
what was going on and moved the traffic cones to let us through and finally we
were there.
After Cathy was examined (2cm dilated) we were in a dilemma
as to whether to stay or go home. Things
had slowed down a little but Cathy decided that we could hang around and see if
we could bring the labour on at the hospital and if she’d made no progress when
she was examined again then we would go home.
‘I want those nice strong ones back’ she said about her surges. We made the day room our home for the next
few hours, with Cathy’s electric candles glowing and her affirmations playing
with her headphones on. She was able to
walk in the garden outside and used her birthing ball to ease the surges. As things seemed to progress she used Rik as
an anchor to lean against. I am sure it
was the lovely smoochy cuddles they had during that time that brought on the 3 great
stonking surges she had just before she was examined for the second time. Still just 2cms. Cathy was exhausted and so disappointed –
almost ready to give up on herself she clearly needed to go home and rest. In the car she was practically sleeping and
the surges seemed to have all but stopped – allowing her some respite. She was obviously glad to be home and this
time she was determined that she would not be going to the hospital until she
really was in established labour.
I left them there for what I thought was a rest but actually
turned out to be an increasingly intense journey through labour. Within half an hour of arriving home Cathy
was back in the groove and the surges continued to intensify and get closer
together. I got a call at about 5.30pm
to say that Cathy had had some bleeding and was about to be rushed to hospital
in an ambulance (the bleeding had already stopped by the time of this phonecall
by the way!) and could I meet them at the RUH.
As I had feared the traffic was awful (unlike the empty roads of the
previous night)but when I finally arrived at the hospital Cathy was quietly
managing her surges on the bed as the baby was being monitored. The examination revealed that she had
progressed, but only to 3-4cms. As I
went in to meet a very relaxed Cathy she related the story of how she had
arrived in the ambulance – ‘you would have laughed’ she said ‘I was screaming
like something out of ‘one born every minute’.
It was horrible at the time but I can only laugh about it now!’.
Cathy spent the next few hours totally in the zone. Through trial and error we found the perfect
positions for her to labour through, her body established a rhythm and she was
able to move in exactly the right way to try and bring things on. Whilst she was managing the surges nicely
with her breathing she was struggling with intense back pain which was only
relieved with pressure. I spent many
hours with my fists thrust in her back and many more hours supporting her, along
with Rik, through her surges in a standing squat. By midnight however, Cathy was clearly
struggling to go on – she was drained of energy after labouring for so many
days and when the midwife told her that she hadn’t progressed since the last
time was examined she asked very clearly and calmly if she could have an
epidural.
This was the best possible decision for Cathy and whilst we
did make sure that it was what she really wanted the midwife didn’t hesitate in
complying with Cathy’s wishes. While we
waited for the anaesthetist she explained that the back pain and lack of
progression was probably due to the baby being in a back-to-back position,
ineffectively putting pressure on the cervix and instead causing Cathy pain and
prolonging the labour. This was probably
the most difficult time in the whole labour.
Having little energy left to manage her surges and having made the
decision to have an epidural there was nothing that we could do but wait until
the anaesthetist arrived and help Cathy as much as we could to relax and work
through the surges. She was amazing, she
used gas and air throughout but she bravely faced each surge and was able to
relax and rest in between. When the
anaesthetist arrived and the epidural started to kick in Cathy was able to rest
and even had a little sleep. I took the
opportunity to talk to her unconscious mind and help her to move past whatever
was blocking her and preventing the baby from moving into the right position
and her labour from progressing. When
the midwife re-examined her some time later she was amazed to find that Cathy
was nearly fully dilated.
She told us that she would be back in about an hour and
hopefully Cathy would be able to start pushing.
Rik went for a rest on the mat in the bathroom while I sat with
Cathy. When the midwife returned she
told Cathy that she was ready to push. Cathy was able to get up onto her knees
and lean over the head of the bed. She
started to breathe the baby down and whilst she made some progress in this
position it wasn’t until she was moved onto her back that she was able to move
the baby down effectively enough. In the
end Cathy had to push with all her might to bring the baby down – the breathing
just wasn’t doing it as she had been numbed somewhat by the epidural – but
within about 40 minutes she had pushed her baby out without a nick or
tear. At 4.01 baby Nancy was born and
went straight to her mum’s chest for a cuddle.
She was pink and healthy and absolutely gorgeous. Her heart rate had been steady throughout the
labour, thanks to Cathy staying so calm.
Even now, days after her birth, she is happy and laid back, alert and
feeding well.
Cathy’s my best friend and I have admired her in so many
ways for many years, since I have known her, but I see her strength in a
different light now through this experience.
She is a truly exceptional, strong and brave person – as are all women
who experience natural labour and birth.
Being with her through her labour has taught me that no matter what
decisions you make through your labour there is no right or wrong way to give
birth. Each woman and each labour is
different, so every choice that is made, as long as it is made by the woman
herself, is what is right for her and her baby.
Whilst Cathy would not have chosen this birth, she does not regret the
decisions that she made and the way that things worked out. Ultimately she brought her baby into the
world herself, just as she wanted. Some
women are unable to do that but their experiences are precious all the same and
they should be treated as such. The
moment you bring your baby into the world will be one you remember forever -
and I will remember this birth forever too.
Saturday
I stayed with Cathy until she had had a bath and was settled
in her private room at the hospital. I
was honoured with the task of dressing Nancy for the first time. There’s nothing quite like holding a brand
new baby in your arms. Once Cathy and
Nancy were snuggled up nicely together, ready for a sleep I was happy to be
able to go home and sleep myself. I
think I spent most of Saturday in bed or on a post-birth high – both of which
were quite blissful.
Sunday
Today I was able to share Cathy’s story and some
hypnobirthing techniques, at the Frome Homebirth Group, with some expectant
mums and other birthing practitioners.
Things started to sink in and I started to consolidate my ambitions to
become a doula. I can’t imagine how I
will juggle so many things or how I’ll ever manage to sleep enough between
births and classes and looking after my own beautiful boys but I can see now
that there’s nothing quite like being there to witness the birth of a new
baby. I guess I’ll start by breathing,
relaxing and staying open to new possibilities, ‘whatever path my birthing
takes…’
